So, listen, we both know parenting is hard. It is exhausting and daunting and hair-pulling at times, and I feel lucky that I have you to share it with. On the major issues we are totally in sync — vaccinations, education, religion — and we’re through the roof on the love spectrum. The kids light up when you walk into the room, for which I am grateful (even though it sucks that you get to be the funny one while I’m always stuck being the practical one) … but there are a few things I need to get off my chest. As great as it is to have a partner to love and support and who loves and supports me and blah blah blah, can I please take a minute to criticize you and give you a few pointers? Because, honey, you are great in many ways, but I’d love it if you would just …
1. Change more diapers
I change diapers all day long. It’s literally my job. So don’t make me have to ask you to occasionally pick up the slack on this disgusting task. When you get home from work, or on the weekends, just roll up your sleeves and DO IT.
2. Offer to do a nighttime feed
This one goes hand in hand with diaper changes, but I still feel it merits its own bullet point. All day long I’m getting my boobs out, dropping everything in order to feed the baby. Would it kill you to get up for the 2 a.m. feed once or twice a week? It’s not like I won’t be up again at five. And it’s not like I’m asking you to do it every night. But the fact that I even have to ask sucks. Just, OFFER!
3. Play with the kids … like, really play with them. It drives me crazy when instead of hearing Lego toppling over or a story being read while you’re playing with the kids in the other room, I hear … nothing. That silence means you are on your iPhone, checking e-mails or reading the Internet from cover to cover. Do I really have to stomp in there and tell you to put down the phone and play?! And while I’m at it,
why do you just stick them in front of the TV? I want to turn off my brain and watch cartoons too, but I’m trying to raise well-rounded humanitarians, not TV-addicts.
4. Plan date night, like, ever
Remember that time we went to a romantic French bistro downtown? Or when I took you to a club and we saw all those great bands and then had a fancy cocktail after? Granted, that was like, well over a year ago, but guess who planned those dates: me. How about you flip through the Time Out listings for a change?
5. Let me have a break
When it’s your turn to hang out with the kids, do you think I’m lying in bed reading? Or taking a luxurious bath? No. I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner, or crouching by the washer/dryer folding laundry (which always seems to be 50 percent your boxers, BTW). And when I do get some time to myself, don’t ask me if I’m going to go to the gym. Just don’t.
Okay, that’s it. For now, anyway. I’m sure something will come to me later and I’ll wish I’d added it to this list. But this is a good start. Because you really are awesome. You just need to work on a few things.
More from The B*tch Board:
- Why I Secretly Hated My Husband After My Daughter Was Born
- 7 Super Irritating Things My Husband Does Constantly
- Dear Moms: Stop Letting Your Kids Treat You Like Crap