I knew my marriage would change after we had kids. I anticipated that being sleep deprived and having to divide my attention between my husband and my kids was going to create new challenges. But here’s the thing: I never imagined that being a SAHM would fu*k up my marriage, but here we are. Since I’ve been home with my kids full-time, these things are happening and I know I need to find a solution, before it’s too late to save our marriage.
1. We no longer talk — really talk. Before kids, my husband and I talked endlessly about work, politics, home, family, money, and the world in general. Now, I barely have time to shower, let alone watch the news. I feel like I’ve got so much less to offer in terms of conversation and interaction with my husband.
2. I have no idea who the hell I am anymore. Even working one day a week after having my first child seemed to break up the monotony and allowed me to find myself again. Since becoming a full-time SAHM those “me moments” have all but disappeared.
3. I don’t feel appreciated. At all. Every day my husband leaves the house for 12+ hours while I run the family on my own. Sure, he helps with housework and he’s mostly hands on with the kids when he is around, but all the thought-load and the practical day-to-day functioning falls on me. He never thanks me or even acknowledges my efforts.
4. I’m starting to really resent him. Every time someone congratulates my husband for “babysitting” the kids, helping with the laundry, or — and this is the worst — tells me how grateful I should be to have a wonderful husband, I want to scream! What about ME?! Where is MY thanks for all the things I do for this family?! I AM thankful for a helpful husband, but I also want some appreciation and acknowledgement for what I do every day.
5. I don’t want to be touched anymore. I’m exhausted by the constant touching, talking, and presence of multiple small people totally dependent on me. By the time he gets home from work, I don’t want to be touched, I don’t want to talk, I just want silence. Withdrawing from him physically and emotionally is taking a toll on our marriage.
6. I’m scared of what I’ve created. Things need to change, but even if I return to work part-time, I’m afraid I’ll still be doing everything that I’m doing now. I’m not sure my husband even knows everything that I do in a week, and I’m worried he really has no commitment to taking on some of the load so I can get some sanity back outside our home.
One thing I do know is that the current situation can’t continue. I’m hoping that I can find a balance between part-time work outside the home while still enjoying these precious years with my young family. Hopefully it will be good for me, my kids, and my marriage!