Being a mom, whether you stay home or work in an office, is harder than manual labor, or a desk job, or both combined. We can all agree on that, right? And, it’s certainly messier some days than working in your local city dump. That’s why I’m in love with ABC’s American Housewife, and all the realness that happens in every single episode. Have you seen the one where Katie finally gets a play date for her daughter, only to discover that her daughter is a klepto? Of course that would be my luck, too.
Some days, it’s just easier to go to a job than to deal with a 5-year-old crying for two hours straight because you won’t buy him a fidget cube he saw in the store a week ago, or to serve on the PTA. Being a mom is truly harder than work, and here are 9 hilarious reasons why.
1. You have to wipe butts. At your place of work, have you been tasked with undressing a human being covered in poo in less than 10 minutes, with only 3 and a half baby wipes, without getting it everywhere? I hope not. But that’s just another day in the life of a mom. Not to mention the time one of my boys peed directly into my eyeball while changing him.
2. You have to deal with tiny ungrateful people. One of the hardest realizations I’ve had about motherhood is that they aren’t lying when they say it’s a thankless job. Any mother who has listened to her kid whine because he didn’t get the tiny grossly over-priced giraffe in the zoo gift store (after a fun-filled afternoon there) knows that kids can be ungrateful little jerks. And, let’s not forget when they all of a sudden blurt out something seriously rude like, “I wish we had a better house.”
3. Your happy place constantly looks like a bomb went off. Imagine that at your job your co-worker walked into your cubicle, dumped out all the drawers for no reason, and walked away like nothing happened. Kids do this on the regular at home — which is supposed to be your happy place. And, when they get older, and you ask them, “Is that where your socks go?” they do things like shrug and go get a snack, or pretend they didn’t hear you. Being a mom means you get used to living in chaos. And, if you’ve been a mom a while, you are forced to embrace it whether you want to or not.
4. Projects don’t have deadlines because a mom’s work is never finished. I’ve been cleaning out my daughter’s bedroom since 2008. I have been trying to find my peace of mind since then, too. Motherhood never allows for finished projects and the work of raising kids certainly never ends. Neither does the begging for new toys, and threatening to take away all of them forever and ever either. It’s a constant case of Groundhog Day when you’re a mom, and you are Bill Murray every single time.
5. You have to deal with multiple personalities — and, they all come from your threenager. If you think Karen from your office is hard to deal with, let me introduce you to 3 year olds. Or hormonal tweens. Or teenagers that think they are invincible. The personality swings that happen in my house on a daily basis are like something out of a horror movie, and the worst part is, that you can’t say goodbye at the end of the day and stop thinking about them for a few hours because they are always there.
6. You’re always doing it wrong. For some reason, it seems like the moment that you announce you have the miracle of life in your womb, someone is telling you how to parent. You can’t even leave the house these days without someone telling you something like, “Don’t you think that baby needs a hat on?” Sometimes leaving the house isn’t even necessary either. People will tell you what to do right on your social media pages, or in the break room when you’re discussing temper tantrums. No asking for advice necessary.
7. You actually don’t know what you’re doing most of the time. Since we’ve already established that you’re doing it wrong (according to everyone else), it’s important to note that’s because we really don’t know what the hell we’re doing, actually. You think you have parenting figured out, and then you birth child number two, and realize you know absolutely nothing. You have learned nothing with the first, and there is no guidebook, or employee manual. You actually are expected to solve really hard problems like how to deal with a child with special needs, with no training whatsoever.
8. Getting little people to do things they don’t want to do is nearly impossible. At a job, at least your co-workers have things they are probably required to do or they’ll get fired. Kids need to be convinced to do everything. From eating in order to keep bodies alive, to sleeping, and everything in between. This includes trying to convince them of simple things like using soap in the shower is actually necessary, and yes, you do have to wear pants.
9. There are literally no breaks. I’d like to think that I get a tiny break when I sleep at night, but most moms know that motherhood is literally a 24/7 job. There is no lunch break either, unless you count shoving the crusts from your kid’s old PB&J into your mouth that are still sitting on the kitchen counter. My kids are well past the baby stage, and yet somehow I have nights where sleep just doesn’t happen (like last night when my oldest blew her nose all night long). But, it’s a comfort to know that Katie from American Housewife gets it. She spent an entire episode trying to take a nap. Guess what? It didn’t happen because her husband got the man-flu. And, I have never related to a TV show more. That’s OK. We’ll get a break when we’re dead.