When I was pregnant, I discovered this weird thing where people totally lose their filter the minute they see a baby bump. It’s like they blurt out the first thing that comes to mind — and chances are it’s going to be outrageously offensive. And maybe even a little haunting? One time, I had the truly bizarre experience of a chatty stranger blurting out in the middle of a busy coffee shop that he had always fantasized about having sex with a pregnant woman…AND THEN HE JUST STOOD THERE STARING AT ME.
When I was pregnant with my second kid, I was lucky enough to experience this phenomena even earlier than I did the first time around (thanks weak abs for announcing baby #2 so early!). There was one time where I was sitting in a doctors office (not my ob’s office) at 9-weeks-pregnant and the receptionist yelled across the room, “Oh, Mason’s going to be a big brother! How EXCITING!” Uh, yeah, he is, but I didn’t really want that information announced to a roomful of strangers, especially since it was so early.
I could write an entire article about the many jaw-dropping remarks I got, but why just focus on all the fun I had? There are plenty of stories out there from other moms who have been put through the rude ringer during pregnancy…
1. “Did you get pregnant intentionally?” My friend Jeanne’s boss actually said this to her when she revealed she was expecting. Followed by “I noticed you weren’t drinking but thought you were trying to cut back… Good thing your husband is working less or it never would have happened.” Hello, HR?
2. “Hopefully this one is a keeper!” A friend cracked this “joke” when I told her I was expecting again and hoping the baby was healthy. She was referring to the fact that I had a miscarriage last summer. For once I was speechless.
3. “The doctor is wrong! You’re definitely having a boy.” Who knew my housekeeper back then was a fortune teller? While rubbing my belly like it was a crystal ball (cringe), she insisted that the blood test and ultrasound that revealed I was expecting a girl was dead wrong. “Your belly is so big! It’s definitely a boy.” Yeah, Poppy Belle, my now-15-month-old daughter proved her wrong.
4. “You must be so relieved you’re having a girl!” Mason volunteered that he was getting a baby sister to a random lady in a coffee shop…and this was her response WHILE MY SON WAS STANDING NEXT TO ME. Like, WTH, lady? For the record, I’ve always been thrilled with my little boy and I would have been equally grateful to have another son.
5. “It’s amazing! Only your butt has gotten bigger.” A well-meaning friend was trying to compliment my friend Jessica when she was expecting…but hearing that your a*s is bigger is never a compliment, now is it?
6. “Wow! You look like you’re going to blow.” Yep, these words actually came out of someone’s month to my friend Amy while we were working in Chicago last year. She gracefully ignored the woman; I might have punched her.
7. “Are you sure you’re not having twins?” My mom asked me this question when I was around 9 weeks pregnant. That’s right, 9 weeks. I had texted a bump pic to my mom (we live in different cities) and she was astonished by the size of my belly. Thanks for the confidence booster, mom!
8. “You must be getting close!” My friend Taryn heard this one — at 5-months-pregnant. Why not just say “You look great!” and leave it at that?
9. “You can’t be seven months pregnant — your belly is too small!” Turns out the opposite kind of remark is just as upsetting. I was sick throughout my pregnancy with Mason, and I didn’t gain much weight, so I constantly heard snarky remarks about my little bump. I felt devastated every time, like people were accusing me of starving my kid. Mason was born completely healthy, so, uh, take that bump critics.
What’s the rudest thing you heard when you were pregnant?
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