#17. Post-C-Section pooches don't give a damn about crunches, Pilates, or, for that matter, voodoo magic.
#17. That you will shout, “SAY THANK YOU” one million times.
#19. The best day of your life is when your baby figures out how to hold her own damn bottle.
#15. They can be very loud. SO VERY LOUD.
#10. Nothing on earth smells as bad as her soccer gear bag. NOTHING.
#3. You will yell, “Get your finger out of there,” “Don’t lick that,” and, “Get off of that” within 30 minutes of waking.